Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
