Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I have feelings that need drinking.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
is that a dick in a sweater?
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
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