i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Randomize
