And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
