So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Randomize
