we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
