Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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