He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
