I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
