My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Randomize
