Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Semen is not good for contacts.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
