I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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