so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize