it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
