how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
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