So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Randomize
