Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
