i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
