Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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