____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
