eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
