im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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