my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Randomize
