Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Randomize
