Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
