Whod you bang
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Semen is not good for contacts.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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