I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
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