WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
