I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
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