I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
No stitches, just platelets and will power
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
