you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
i out mim tonsoeep
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