Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
