just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
You took a bar mat shot.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
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