grandma shit on top of the toilet
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
