Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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