I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
