Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
should my penis look like a turkey
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
