you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Randomize
