I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
