doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
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