perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
