I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
It was confusing and full of hummus
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
