Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
