it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
