my sisters under your porch take her home
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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