he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
