I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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