Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Randomize
