HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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