just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
