I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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