Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Randomize
